After His Smile
by swandreamer
Summary: Until when can his smile save her?


**BGM: Jealous by Nina**

**Hinata to Naruto**: "_I used to always cry and give up... I nearly went the wrong way... but you... you showed me the right way... I was always chasing you... wanting to overtake you... I just wanted to walk with you... I wanted to be with you... you changed me! Your smile saved me! So I'm not afraid to die protecting you! Because I - love you..._"

**After His Smile**

by swandreamer

Kiba said that when a person is about to die, hearing is the last sensory to fade away. It seems that my senses are still fully aware of my surroundings. I am alive and awake, clear that this is not a dream. The air that carried the scent of jasmine flowers nearby felt so calming, gradually relaxing my tensed body muscles from today's severe training. I smiled remembering that it used to attract spiritual love. I can hear the soft chirping of birds blending with the wind's movement, rhythm and sound, making it pleasant to hear and leaving my thoughts blank while I enjoy the natural music of the Earth.

However, I saw nothing but darkness and felt nothing but cold.

"Ohayo! Hinata-chan!"

I heard a familiar virile voice that instantly made me blushed. I haven't seen who it was but I knew. I can feel his overwhelming presence that always kept me alive. Replacing the cold breeze of wind by his warm breathe that touched my forehead skin, I slowly opened my eyes.

Instead of seeing the sky and mass of clouds that shaded me from the warm sunlight, I saw his admirable blue eyes better than the vast horizon, his lips that swiftly gave a smile, revealing his cheerful and compassionate side. As I laid on the grassy slope, my heart started to beat faster as I wonder how his lips would taste like if we close the gap between us. The thought of it gave me a tingle of excitement. He had his arms placed in both sides of my shoulders, his complete body opposite to mine but not parallel, only his head directly facing above mine.

I was tempted to faint, but not today. I was hoping that this day will be different.

"N-naruto-kun." I stuttered blinking my eyes, surprised that he was just few inches away from my face. He was always been like this, even before he knew how I felt. I wonder when I'll ever get used to this unsual behavior of greeting me.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" I asked curiously.

His smile widen and I instinctively did the same. He have different kinds of smile that saved me from taking the wrong path. His persevering smile showed me not to give up, a sincere satisfying beam after a hard work, his proud smirk inspires me and make me blush, a cheerful grin that completes my day, a confident provoking sneer and an unexpected leer when he joke around with Jiraiya-sama. I love him, everything about him... I simply do.

"Long time no see!" He chuckled, reminding me that this is the first time we saw each other after I confessed to him. I blushed even brighter and my heart started to beat faster.

Repositioning himself to sit just above my head, he stared to examine me, "Hm?" His brow narrowed, apparently looking puzzled, "Are you sick?" Placing his palm to my head with such apprehension. I did not move and wondered what he meant. "Woaa! You're so warm!" He exclaimed, pulling his hands back. "You must have a fever!" I can't help but feel uneasy with our proximity when he leaned over to give a closer look. Some things **never** change.

I let out a deep sigh. He was always easy-going and cheerful as ever. When he leaned away, I found the opportunity to pull myself in a sitting position and faced him. I motioned my head that it was nothing, "Iie. Daijoubu desu." He gave it a second thought and agreed, "If you say so..."

I've always wanted to be around him. Even though I've been nervous, I always felt safe when I'm around with him. I feel stronger and better, like I can do anything.

Overlooking the town, he shifted his gaze to the cityscape from me. The sun that was covered by the clouds, now peaks it way out to touch our skin with its warm light. He smiled and gave a deep breathe, "I love..." I hope he'd say 'you' when I heard him say love, but instead he said, "this town." I can help but feel a bit embarrass with my high hopes, am I that desperate? I sighed.

"We all do." I said, smiling sheepishly. I wanted to take this opportunity to ask him how he felt but before I could call his attention someone else did.

"Naruto-kun!"

It was Sakura carrying a pile books.

Sakura, who was the number one fan girl of Sasuke took the risk to protect Naruto. She almost died. I never thought the girl could do something like that. I heard that she willingly protected Naruto from Sasuke. She deliberately stepped between them and almost got herself killed. I guess I'm not the only one who could do that for Naruto.

"Sakura-chan! Did you miss me?" Naruto asked loudly without any hesitation. His teammate avoided my eyes by looking at her other side. Instead of answering his question, she gave a command.

"Help me later with my training. We need you at the Hokage tower." Putting aside her order, Naruto asked, "How about that date you promised me?" a twinge of jealousy crept to me.

She confessed that even if she was previously in love with Sasuke, she learned to love Naruto during the whole time that they were looking for him. It wasn't that hard to fall for Naruto; she admitted it to herself as I heard from Shikamaru.

"Tomorrow," she gave her answer nervously while staring at the ground, it was obvious that she was blushing. "Just make sure you don't fall behind..." She reminded him while starting to walk away again back to the pathway, "We need you up there!"

"Hai! I'll follow you in a while!"

Naruto gave her a pleasant expression. His eyes glisten while staring at her, he had his other side of his lip raised giving a small smile but what special about it is the look he gave, expressing a sense of sincere passion and feelings for her. I never saw him smile that way to anyone but her, it was a smile specially displayed for only one person. That smile, I long for him to show me.

"I don't know what could have happened if I lost her," He told me out of the blue. That moment, I know, he does love her.

It didn't take long when he looked back at me to say excuse himself but this time his expression was no longer the same.

"I have to go." He waived at me, "See you later!"

But before he could even take a step, I called out reaching for his hand, "Naruto-kun!"

I felt his warm caloused hand touch my skin, I squeezed it tight getting him to look at me in the eye_, _"You know," I hestitantly tried to express, "I'd fight the good fight if I thought I'd change your mind," Though I was hoping that he already did when he heard me said 'I love - you.' back then...

"But if she makes you happy..." I paused momentarily but not breaking the stare, "I would leave that dream behind."

I wonder what got into me... Why did I have to say that? When he did not have any response with how I felt, I just have to say something to remind him that I love him! Come to think of it... I'm so stupid! I shouldn't have said it... but I did. Oh, no... what is he gonna say now.

"Hina-chan..." His hyperactive expression gradually gave me the stoic look, "umm... Thanks! Thank you for everything." brushing his fingers at the back of his head and gave me his cheerful grin. Maybe... deep inside. I just want him to notice me... to remind him that I'm here by his side, like always. But now that Sakura felt the same way, there was no way he'll notice me more than a comrade.

It was all simple and clean. Naruto does not have to say that he loves Sakura, it always showed and always will. He doesn't have to explain how he felt for me and I never _asked_ him to requite my love. Force, seduce, convince, hypnotize or persuade was out of my vocabulary to know how he felt. I never intend to compete against anyone for Naruto's affection but tried my best to get his attention. I chased him and tried to overtake him, but when he noticed me, I guess his friendship was enough. No. Wait. I can't cheat myself. I know, deep inside, his friendship was never enough for me. It hurts so bad… I want him to be more than friends with me! That other side of me, I kept hidden so well, had always been greedy for his attention... but my shy submissive self dominated the real me.

When I saw him turn his back to walk away from me, I felt my senses slowly fade away. My feet was glued on the ground and my knee shuddered, weaken, giving me the only option to drop my lower body and support myself by propping my left arm on the ground. My heart started to beat faster, while my breathing raced with it. I can feel my temperature rapidly decreasing. I had my head lowered, my vision gradually blurred. I placed my right hand near my heart and felt my chest tighten. I started to panic when my throat started to choke my voice, inescapable screams trapped within my soul. I can feel my head starting to ache, my eyes hurting. Finally, the tears I tried so hard to fight back gave me no choice but to let go, leaving traces in my cheeks.

_'I tried so hard to over take him... to walk with him... to be with him...'_

From the smiles he has, there is one smile that I wanted him so much to give me. It was _that _smile he showed to Sakura. I believed his smile always saved me even though there is one smile I awaited him to give me was destined for one person. I can't help but think that,_ 'I should have been in her place.'_

It is not easy and it is painful as hell watching the one and only reason I found to change leave that way, especially, that he is aware of my feelings. Letting him go was only the beginning, it was the emotion that followed it is the struggle. I allowed myself to be vulnerable of the pain that sunk deep in my heart, giving me a cut so deep that's impossible to heal. Fighting this emotion is the hardest one to face so far but just this once, I'll let myself fall without a fight. Give up and let him go.

This time, I saw nothing but darkness and felt nothing, not even cold. Suprisingly, heard no music at all.

**_Fin_**

**AN: Apologies for the wrong grammar. I'm not perfect but please read & review. I'll appreciate it. It's been a long time since I last posted an entry.**


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